Discovering 'love truth' helps you be happy forever

Learn more about 'ingredients' to create a perfect love.

In the book 'The Science of Happily Ever After' published in 2013, the author - psychologist Ty Tashiro has statistics that: On average, only about 30% of couples live happily after marriage. That will lead to serious consequences, especially for children in the family.

Worried about this, many psychologists have conducted research on marriage. They organized many experiments on volunteer couples, thereby identifying ' materials' that make a perfect marriage.

From psychological experiments .

Psychologist John Gottman is one of the researchers devoted to this topic of marriage love. For 40 years, he has studied with thousands of couples to make the most accurate conclusion.

Important findings came to John Gottman in 1986, when he founded "The Love Lab" with fellow Robert Levenson at the University of Washington.

The two of them had electrodes on volunteers' bodies and asked them questions about love, husband and wife relationship .

Through the answers, the electrodes will measure blood pressure, heart rate and the amount of sweat generated to draw conclusions about the 'burning' of emotions.

After that, the team let volunteers come home and stay in touch before repeating the test 6 years later.

Blood pressure or other body indicators can completely deny your true feelings in love

Experimental results 6 years later as Gottman predicted: Not all couples are happy to live together.

The failed marriage group seems calm when answering old questions, but in fact what the electrodes record gives the opposite result. High blood pressure, heart palpitations and sweat glands are very active, which is a sign of agitation.

Many people live daily in a situation of fear of their partners . more than fear of tigers.

The happy marriage group shows very few signs. The two always understood each other, talking to each other softly, warm words even when a quarrel occurred.

They have created for themselves and their partners a reliable and close atmosphere, which makes them both feel comfortable when they are together.

John Gottman wants to know better the secrets of happy couples. In 1990, he redesigned the laboratory at the University of Washington to make it a place to rest and invited 130 couples to spend a day here.

And Gottman, he observes the jobs that ordinary couples do when traveling: cooking, cleaning, listening to music, eating, talking and hanging out.

Throughout the day, the spouses will often send out 'suggestions' and hope to get back the reaction from their spouse.

For example, when the husband - who loves birds so much and sees a very beautiful bird on the yard, he immediately calls out to his wife and says: 'Look at the beautiful bird!' . At that time, the wife was facing two choices: watching or not interested in that.

Happy couples tend to care and support these suggestions. The rest often have no reaction or just humming over and continuing to do personal things. There are even those who react very negatively like not hearing anything or getting angry.

In sum, Gottman found that couples who have divorced before 6 years have a 33% support rate for their partners, while that figure in happy couples is 87%.

According to the expert, by applying similar observations, he can correctly predict 94% of the future fate of couples, regardless of whether they are gay or normal, rich or poor, yes child or not .

. to the true truth of love

Experiments over the years have helped Gottman find an extremely important truth in maintaining an emotional relationship.

That is sincerity. According to Gottman and her husband's research, sincerity helps each person feel that he / she is interested, understood, valued and feels loved.

There is a lot of evidence that, if one feels the sincerity of others for them, they tend to be more generous in their relationship.

There are two common thoughts related to sincerity. Some people say that sincerity is a natural quality but not everyone has it, others consider it as "muscle" available, just practice is usable.

Happy couples think in the second way. For them, it is necessary to be constantly considerate, caring about others to have a good relationship, as well as need to practice a lot to have strong muscles. Wanting a sustainable relationship, it takes time to invest and it will not be easy.

So what is the right time to express sincerity to the other half? Few people doubt, the most appropriate situation is . when fighting.

Express your heart by controlling yourself, not letting aggression and bitter words come out.

That means, a straightforward and listening conversation is the best solution to overcome the feeling of anger.

The most stressful time is the time to show the most affection between the two

There is another way to show your sincerity. It is about becoming a generous and generous mate.

According to the Gottman couple's study, failed marriage couples often scrutinize and even evaluate their partners on non-existent problems.

In addition, the tactic to effectively express your sincerity is the sharing of joy. One of the signs of couples failing in Gottman's research is the ability to receive each other's good news.

In a 2006 study, psychologist Shelly Gable and colleagues brought some couples to the lab to discuss some of the good news that each of these couples received in the near future. The team wants to see how each person reacts to the good news of their mate.

With what was obtained, the team divided the couples into 4 types of reactions: passive destructive, active sabotage, passive construction and proactive construction. In particular, only the "actively built" couples are always inclined to share their joy with their partners sincerely. That is the clearest proof that shows: Sincerity is the truth of eternal love.

* The article is based on the views of Emily Esfahani Smith posted on The Atlantic website.