Why do we often go against other people's opinions?

Sometimes we get mad because people do exactly the opposite of what we tell them. You remind your boss about the report, and he ignored it. You advise a friend not to work at that company, and she takes the job. You nudge the coworker to remind her to drink less, she refills herself with another glass of wine. You remind your son not to touch the hot soup bowl, and he immediately touches.

It is because of the following 3 principles:

1. The forbidden fruit always has a sweet taste

When someone interferes with you, you often feel your freedom is at stake. Therefore, you regain your choice and control by doing the opposite . Tests show that children will prefer to play with a toy after they are strictly prohibited. Both children and adults become interested in eating high-fat foods when there are warnings on food labels that should not be eaten.

The study even discovered "Romeo & Juliet effect ": the more parents hinder their children's love, the more affectionate their affection developed. As writer Mark Twain once wrote: "Adam is also a man . I don't want to eat an apple because it's the apple, I want an apple just because it's forbidden."

2. The more obstacles, the more you think

The dog stubbornly refused to follow the direction of the host

When someone says you don't think about something, your mind always goes back to that idea. In a study led by psychologist Daniel Wegner, people were told not to think about the white bear. The next 5 minutes they were asked to say whatever came in their heads, and the bell would vibrate if they said or thought about the white bear. But, they could not escape the image of the white bear. On average, white bears appear in their thoughts every minute, and most people unknowingly utter "white bears" once or twice. When the 5 minute challenge passed, things got worse: they thought about white bears more than twice as many people who were asked to think of white bears.

When we try to suppress a thought, two things will happen . One is that we will be conscious of seeking thoughts that are not related to white bears. Two, unconsciously, we try to control failure. When asked not to think of white bears, even in our minds, we keep an eye on these white-haired creatures even though they are in the Arctic headline.

3. Because of curiosity

When a certain behavior is prohibited or discouraged, it is difficult for people to control curiosity . It feels like an itch and we need to scratch. Tests show that people like to watch violent TV shows and play violent games when there are warnings not to watch. There are many examples of books that became more famous after being banned. Because, people want to know the secret: why not do it?

When banned from doing something, people are always curious to know why they cannot do it

Psychology like to do this opposite can sometimes be used. In one study, psychologists asked 159 people if they ever deliberately persuaded someone to do something by giving the opposite. More than two thirds said they used this reverse psychology on average 1-2 times a month. One person also admitted: "Once, I told my friend that cutting short hair was very beautiful, and she didn't cut it. She often disagreed with my opinion. And this time," disagree ". That was great. "

But what about morally? Some people say that when others are against our opinions, and if we care about them, cheating on them a little because it's good for them is acceptable. However, others argue that a meaningful relationship needs transparency and clarity. If we can't be honest with someone about our thinking, is that relationship really close?

According to Business Insider, it's best to reconcile your psychology , consider yourself whether others' suggestions are really bad that you want to do the opposite. Or are you just trying to fight for your freedom, or you simply want to "scratch it".