Denial can bring happiness in marriage

With a divorce rate of about 50% and many people getting married more than once, we sometimes feel that people can't find a lasting relationship for themselves.

The general model is that we initially love someone from head to toe, a hot person, a crazy passion. This phenomenon lasted a while before the fog cleared and the real image of a mate appeared. Often the truth only shocked us after marriage when there was a real, ugly and beautiful person, waking up right by us with a wedding ring on our hands.

Actual test then leads to the broken illusion is the way to end a marriage just budding.

In a study published in the July issue of Psychological Science, psychologist Daniel Molden of Northwestern University and colleagues investigated possible differences in the way couples are looking at each other. Dating and of couples. They offered 92 couples of lovers and 77 couples to answer questions about the level of satisfaction with their relationship. The results are not surprising: marriage has changed everything.

Everyone, whether married or not, thinks that the best partner must be the one who always makes them happy and brings the best for them. But this kind of relationship can only turn into a truly happy marriage when your partner accepts regular commitments and sustains obligations in the love life.

The surprise here is not the change of center from 'I' to 'us', anyone who has experienced the first shy moments of love until he is too familiar can recognize it. this. What is really striking is that satisfaction is more about a relationship based on conceptual rather than actual action, including the existence of love and life with a person who is very familiar and close.

A new study found that satisfaction with a cognitive-based relationship is not reality. If we realize that our partners always support the goals we set, then we will be happy, even if we cheat ourselves a little to get that awareness. (Photo: Dreamstime)

In Molden's study, the authors focused on the perceptions of their partners or their lovers, not the actual situation of the relationship. If we consider their appointment to promote the goal, we will be happy.If we think our partner is very devoted to the family, we will be happier. Although researchers also point out that the change in focus of awareness is a sign of a happy or sad marriage, but the real problem with love is the problem of directing all thoughts think about your partner, not your focus.

People seem to think that they are good at learning about others. But our thoughts, feelings, needs and goals often appear first. Sometimes this means fooling yourself into thinking that we are the center of others' thoughts, feelings, needs and goals; while they themselves are preoccupied with their thoughts.

But should we be disillusioned by our own illusion? Probably not. A happy marriage is that both people know how to preserve good thoughts about their partners, even at times when the rice is not healthy and not sweet. This has great significance. Happiness is a state of mind, even if we refuse to accept that our partner is not what we expected, that denial will certainly make marriage happy as long as no one was hit by cold water because of the harsh truth.

On the other hand, there are definitely couples who see exactly who they face. There are also times when the reality is completely consistent with awareness. Such lucky couples do not need to resort to denial in perception but still have long-term happiness.