Why do unhappy couples live together for so long?

There is a famous saying in the American movie "Sex and the City" that many viewers still remember: "He doesn't love you that much" . Indeed, in everyday life, there are many couples who do not really love each other well but still decide to accept living together until the end of their lives.

Why do so many people want to maintain unhappy relationships? CNN channel cites the results of two recent studies that show that the more people realize that the life of a partner depends heavily on the existence of a relationship, the less likely they are to say goodbye. . In other words, many people still accept to maintain a relationship that does not bring happiness just to avoid hurting their feelings.

CNN reporter asked his colleagues to share their views on why many unhappy couples often stick together for a long time, and how to end a relationship that has less to do. most hurt the enemy.

Many people have insecurities that make them dare not to step through old relationships to come to a new life.

The boundary between altruism and selfishness

Recent studies show that many people who accept maintaining relationships do not make themselves feel emotionally satisfied just because they are worried that saying goodbye will hurt their partner's emotions. .

"From my experience in the profession, I realized that many people carry intimate fears and insecurities that they dare not step through old relationships to come to a new life, though perhaps not. They are as comfortable as they are, but will ultimately give them true happiness, and couples like that are usually content with a relationship that is "just enough" , says sexual therapist Holly Richmond. "But it will come at a time when that" just enough "will bring negative effects, making the acceptor stay more painful than the pain that their opponent will have to go through if they say goodbye ".

In addition, concerns with children, financial, friendships, lifestyle and position of the community in the community are also factors that influence the decision to maintain the unhappy relationship of couples "I have met some patients who want to keep their current relationship just because they are worried that they won't be able to find another partner, while others don't want their children to lose their father or Their real mother , " shared sex therapist Sari Cooper.

Maintaining these unhappy situations will not benefit any party.

However, maintaining these unhappy situations will not benefit any party , Dr. Kristen Lilla said. "If you decide to stay just because you don't want to hurt others, that's obviously a selfish act, because you're depriving your opponent of the right to choose , " she explained. "You are saying that your partner will not be able to live well without you, and so you are with them just for mercy. That is not true."

Should stay or leave?

Obviously, the decision to end a relationship is a difficult choice for many people. To be sure, try sitting back and figuring out what your life will be like after parting, Cooper said. "I ask my patients to sit down and imagine in detail their lives after that relationship ends: Do you have the financial resources to take care of yourself? Did you make sure that you did everything to improve this relationship before it got completely stuck? Will you lose good friends or useful relationships after parting? or not?".

Sex therapist Kristie Overstreet agrees. " If you are facing a decision to maintain or give up a relationship, write down the points and lose after you break up. This will force you to use reason rather than emotion and help you recognize some aspects that you've never thought about before, " she explained. "One of the most important questions you need to ask yourself is whether you have done everything you can to keep it. Make sure you consider all the factors. listed out, before going to the final choice ".

Also, consider your relationship as a box that is large enough for both of you to feel comfortable and free to move, while still being able to support each other's development.

"A relationship that becomes frustrating is when the box you create for each other is so small that the opponent cannot be independent and autonomous with their own lives, and that leads to both feeling empty. empty and afraid if not together, "said Dr Tammy Nelson. "Perhaps you have been taught that this is true love - a kindness in your soul with your other half - but in fact it is just relying. If you don't have enough space to I am more mature myself in that relationship, so you're probably dragging both of them back behind. "

The decision to terminate a relationship is a difficult choice for many people.

Farewell words are always difficult to say

A saying many people must have heard but it is still true in some respects: "There is no farewell without hurting the enemy , " Dr. Deborah Fox said. That means, you need to be very honest with the other person about why you want to break up.

"Although it is not necessary to say everything, you should end a relationship with straightforwardness, and that also comes with sincerity," she explained. "Clumsy lies can help solve a short, sketchy relationship, but that certainly doesn't work with deep feelings and more emotions."

Overstreet also agrees with this view."You can't stop the emotional pain your partner has to go through with your decision. However, your sincerity and respect can help him or her to lose some," she said. "The way you control yourself and your words can help you control the whole process. Keep in mind that you must do everything you need to reduce the pressures that may come to you, and the ending an unhappy relationship is just a small step in that ".

Deciding to break up with someone is never easy, but if you really take the time and effort to make that choice, you can make things easier for yourself and my mate.