These 5 strange things happen to couples who live together for a long time

Living with someone for a long time will change the way you see the world, as well as who you are.

More importantly, intimate relationships can spread different ways of thinking and acting, which the author of 'Powers of Two' calls 'the mind is divided'. share '.

Psychologists have observed couples who live long together and think that there are 5 things that will happen between two people who live together for a long time.

1. The language of two people

A short message from the other half may not mean anything to others, but it does mean something to couples who have been together for a long time.

Author Joshua Wolf Shenk said the 'insider' language is one of the signs that the couple is working 'in sync'. According to a study by Robert Hooper, Professor of Communication at the University of Texas, secret communication accomplishes two things: Deepening the pair's engagement and establishing the unique identity of each couple .

Hugh Jackman and his wife.

In a study of lovers of psychologist Carol Bruess, Ohio State University, private languages can include everything from making jokes to nicknames. Mr. Bruess's research shows a link between how often couples use private words and how satisfied they are with their relationships. The results showed that the more often couples use secret language, the more likely they are to feel happy.

2. Stop self-control

The way most of us talk to strangers, acquaintances, and even close friends is different from how we talk when we're on the other side.

When we are with other people, most of us are 'self-monitoring'. That is, we try to please those around us by modifying our behavior to suit them. According to Professor Shenk, when we are on the other side, we will ignore this type of behavior and talk naturally. In other words, we stop checking ourselves constantly before speaking. We are more outspoken and open.

Professor Shenk talked to many couples with such relationships. For example, psychologist Daniel Kahneman, of the University of California at Berkeley, told Mr. Shenk: 'Like most people, I am quite cautious when saying thoughts to others'. But after years of working with research partner Amos Tversky, a cognitive psychologist, this "caution is completely gone."

3. Appearance becomes the same

In his 1987 compelling study, psychologist Robert Zajonc found there was a very clear reason for couples to be alike . They use the same type of body muscle so often that over time, they start to look the same.

Professor Shenk said that this movement of coordination is not accidental, but "reflects what psychologists call" a joint coordination structure " , including how we harmonize what body look and movement, expression and style of talk.

4. The voice also becomes the same

Professor Shenk said that in addition to their own vocabulary, long-lived couples will "fit together in the rhythm and syntax structure of the conversation."

Part of this similarity is the result of a phenomenon that psychologists call 'emotional infection'.

Changing talk can be an element of how long a couple has been together.

Basically, when two people spend enough time together, their way of talking will fit together. We imitate everything from other people's voices to the amount and duration of stopping between words and sentences of the other half. There is evidence that changing speech patterns can be a factor in how long a couple has been together.

Part of the study of language use by couples in 2010 looked at their messages. The study found that when two people talk alike - about the language and the language structure used in messages - they are more likely to continue dating for the next 3 months.

5. Laugh at each other without anyone laughing

Studies show that couples are similar in body language, which makes them look the same, because they draw words and act from the knowledge base that only two people know.

This 'internal information' source - all the experiences and memories that two people share - will remind them of the gestures, attitudes, words and phrases they use with the other half.

A 2007 study found that people are easy to imitate each other's eyes when they hear a common information before a conversation.