Let's face life infertility when there is no choice

When married, Pamela Mahoney and Alex Tsigdinos never thought that they were having problems with childbirth. But after 11 years of many infertility treatments, they are still a family of two.

Frustrated and exhausted from what has gone on, the long-term, inefficient treatment process, the couple finally gave up. Now they must learn how to accept life without children.

10% of couples experience problems during conception, sometimes because of physical problems, and sometimes for unexplained reasons. But technology in reproduction is improving, many couples have hope.

In the case of Tsigdinos, the doctor had optimism in every step. At age 29, after two years of trying to get pregnant, Ms. Tsigdonos realized that there was a lesion in her uterus - a sign of early uterine inflammation. A clear condition by uncontrolled tissue growth in the uterus. This injury was quickly removed by surgery, and the doctor sent her home in the hope that she would no longer have problems with childbirth. In the years that followed, the couple tried two in vitro conception, and two episodes of artificial insemination, including some unorthodox methods, such as acupuncture, Chinese medicine, and physics. therapy .

Time passed, still no children. Tsigdinos went back to check, and discovered that he had a varicose veins syndrome (a syndrome that simplifies the venous tube along the semen rope. This cord clogs the testes of the man) , a blockage in the blood flowing to the penis makes the sperm count less and less effective. A surgery to correct this problem. But two years passed, nothing happened.

Time becomes an obsession: for women under the age of 35, the level after IVF is about 43%, but over the age of 43 it is reduced by 4% . Years of treatment, doctors' bills and untouchable dreams have exhausted them, consuming money, patience and marriage.

Two years ago, Mr. and Mrs. Tsigdonos made a difficult decision to end this: stop making body temperature charts to help estimate when ovulation, stop looking for new treatments - and only dream about a child.

(Photo: Peter DaSilva - The New York Times)

What about adoption? Ms. Tsigdinos knows what you are thinking. While the couple also considered it, it didn't seem right for them.

She said 'it is not a dichotomy - whether you have a biological child or an adopted child. That is not the same. '

It is unclear how many women are unintended infertility. Diseases that cause infertility and childless life make women more pressured, not daring to disclose their disease. Tsigdinos added, 'it is not a good thing that you speak extensively at parties.'

Varicose veins syndrome forms when the valves along the testicles prevent blood from circulating naturally.It is the cause of blood clots, leading to swollen veins and stretches.

Varicose veins syndrome usually develops slowly, and may not be the cause of symptoms.They often develop for men aged 15 to 25 and often see the left sign of the scrotum.Varicocele is often the cause of infertility in men.

Older men who suddenly become ill may be caused by a malignant neoplasm of the kidney that prevents blood from flowing into the vein.

Almost two years later, Ms. Tsigdinos is now 45 years old, still crying when talking about it.'It is not a straightforward process. You have to accept the best thing to do, but there are days when things become too much to bear. '

Many women who try to pursue treatment can suffer a great deal of cost in every way. Those who accept one thing that there is no method in the world to make them pregnant will be the best opportunity to accept life without children.

There are still many women like Mrs. Tsigdinos who often cry alone when they see a young mother pushing a baby car, angry at friends who don't know what to invite them to see their children and argue with their father My mother, who can't accept them, will never get a grandchild.

Susan B. Slotick, a member of Rosolve, a nonprofit infertility organization understands this pain. Eleven years ago, she also had a decision to stop treatment and accept life without children. She said, 'The pain never fades. But it's like a chronic backache, you have to learn to live with it. '

The dull ache links many women in many areas in finding a child, and developing an online community that helps them face many infertility problems. Ms. Tsigdinos, a marketing staff for a project-funded company, started her blog about the small aspect of successful treatments. When she could not find any resources to help her cope with the decision to stop treating infertility.

After years of trying to be pregnant, Ms Tsigdinos' passion now is to connect with women with her situation. She writes about things every day, but she also talks about how she must adapt, how to know when to stop treatment, how to deal with unspoken words of friends and people. Dear, how to accept life without waiting, usually a book about children, exchange sessions or a graduation ceremony. On her blog, not all women and men agree with her choice, but they all sympathize and help her feel less lonely.

Infertility may have been a fundamental manifestation of Tsigdinos' life. But she was a tough person that didn't stop her.

She said: 'I must say that I am the happiest person on this planet because I have a patient husband. Because life is only two of us, we have a lot of time to build a happy life for each other. '

Heron Rights (Translation by Nytimes)
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