Simple ways to chat with children

If your child says, "I don't like going to school at all", instead of forcing "I have to go to school", you can ask, "Do you have something?". Give your child the opportunity to explain even though he or she is obviously wrong.

Illustration. Photo: Corbis.com. Many parents after talking to their children often wonder why the children don't seem to hear me. In times of stress, they don't know what to say to end the argument.

Sometimes the source of all these disagreements is just because parents don't know how to answer a difficult question.Pbs.org page gives you a few suggestions:

1. Spend time listening to your child

Spend time and listen to your child. In the meantime, show your child that you are listening through eye contact or head tilt.

If you can't hear me talking at this time, you can say: " Let's talk about this after a few more minutes, mom (dad) is doing a little bit of work ."

2. Repeat what you heard

Recreate what your child just said in a different way and intervene in words that express their feelings. However, you should be careful. If your child is angry, your saying: " I am really angry and out of control " can make things more stressful.

You can ask questions for more information, for example: " Can I tell you exactly what happened?" and then ask " What makes you most sad ?".

These questions show that you understand your feelings and encourage them to confide in you. And of course, you will get more information and so you just know what really happened and understand what you are thinking.

3. Consider your child's opinion

Look at the problem in your eyes. You know how you will see yourself if your boss or colleague tells you: " It is really cool " or try to be like something that you know to hate yourself. Children will also feel the same way when they hear their parents say, " I don't really mean that, " or " I can't believe you said that ."

Instead, you can say: "I 'm happy to know this " or "I understand ". At this point, this is all that children want to hear.

You try not to deny what you say right away, even if you know it is wrong. Listen to your children before saying " no ". If your child says, "I don't like going to school at all ", instead of forcing " I have to go to school ", you can ask, " Do you have something ?". Give your child the opportunity to explain even though he or she is obviously wrong.

4. Think carefully before saying "no"

Give yourself a minute to consider what your child asks. Even if your last answer is definitely " no ", you should still say, "Let me think about what I just said and I will answer you later ."

This helps your child see that you really listen to them because you have thought carefully about their ideas. You can also share your feelings with your child and find a solution.

5. Accept the child's feelings

Allow your child to say his or her thoughts even if they are negative, you just need to be there, don't talk much. You should not say anything that touches your child's personality.

If your child behaves badly, instead of saying, " How dare you tell your mother like that !", You can say: " I can't say that ." In this way, you do not equate behavior with the nature of the child. You don't want to imply that your child is bad or embarrassing about your thinking.

Tell your child what you think about your behavior. In fact, sometimes your emotions are the best form of punishment if you don't use it to attack children. You can say: "I 'm really disappointed with what I did " or " The fact that I told you to make me really sad ".

6. Think of solutions together

If your child wants something but can't get it, you can encourage them to imagine what they want and talk about it. You can say: " My mum is, I want my grandmother here. What do you do for me ?" And you can act on behalf of your grandmother to do what you want if that request is reasonable and acceptable.

If your child says, " I hate music lessons in class because the teacher is very hard to believe ," then first ask the child: " What do you dislike about the teacher the most ?" Then ask: " I think you What should teachers do ? " It is this way of talking that will help you find a solution.