How do you know when it's time to break up?

Christmas is a time to give away, but it is also the period with the most farewell. Contrary to the prospect of spending more time and romance with each other, many people begin to doubt their relationship around Christmas time. Even divorce applications tend to reach their peak around this time until January.

But knowing when it's time to break up can be quite challenging. You will ask yourself: Should I try harder to make this relationship better? Or have you wasted so much energy and time on it?

Making a list of the pros and cons of a relationship is also a way to decide. A study from 2018 shows that most people can come up with a list of reasons to continue or stop their relationship with the other person. Based on 447 participants answering open-ended questions about their relationship, the researchers were able to identify 27 reasons why people want to maintain this relationship.

Many people began to doubt their relationship around Christmas.

Common reasons for continuing this relationship include sufficient emotional and physical intimacy, family obligations, and financial benefits of being together. Reasons to stop include distrust, dissatisfaction with sexual needs, too much conflict, inappropriate, dislike of the other person's personality, and finding new people.

So what do we need to do to keep the relationship going and keep the other person behind?

Investment model

The investment model is the way researchers have tried to try to understand the balance of constraints. According to this model, there are 3 factors with equal proportions to decide whether people accept to continue to tie or not. First, satisfaction with a relationship is a measure of the level of positive and negative that person experiences with their partner. When that satisfaction is high enough, people feel that their needs are being met.

This model also refers to investments that people have made in the relationship and can lose. This may include financial investments, such as bank accounts and shared housing, as well as expenses for children, friends or the law. Finally, the quality of the alternatives. They may be finding new objects; But friends, family and even hobbies can represent satisfaction beyond a relationship.

Under the investment model, both satisfaction and investment contribute positively to adoption, while other alternatives can reduce this rate. Ideally, people will feel extremely satisfied with their relationship. They have invested a lot in it and the alternatives make them feel lighter than they are.

If people are unhappy, invest less in the relationship, or feel outside about it makes them happier, more likely, the relationship will crack and they will try to break up.

Family relationships can make your love story more difficult to break.

In fact, these factors are not easy to identify and can be confused with each other in confusing ways. For example, people may overestimate or underestimate their ability to meet new people; or spending a lot of time on their hobbies, making them feel like they have too few or more choices than they actually have.

For example, the relationship between Josh and Jordan (the study participants), she did not even remember the last time I had fun with my boyfriend. However, in recent weeks, Jordan has paid attention to fellow guy Micha when he actively flirted with her. Micha is not only attractive but also has a lot of common interests with Jordan. Although Jordan is still very satisfied with Josh and invested a lot of time and effort in their days together, she can also decide to leave Josh and see everything between herself and Micha will happen. come on.

But even if Hordan listed the pros and cons of her relationship with Josh, she couldn't know for sure whether Micha would eventually want a serious relationship with her. The final decision is a gamble that Jordan needs to think twice.

Stay away from fear

Although we see all the benefits of starting a new relationship, some people still maintain their current relationship because of the injuries they think might cause the other person to leave. , or the losses they will cause themselves.

After all, parting will inevitably be accompanied by suffering as well as emotional and health effects. Breaking up can also cause people to miss pursuing goals that the ex has created.

So it's no surprise that some people are afraid of being single. Being single can cause many to achieve less than what they want or deserve in a relationship when there are no obvious alternatives available. This is often proportional to the fear of regret, leaving us unwilling to break the status quo, even if our intellect or intuition say it shouldn't.

Single people also feel isolated from society. They find themselves lonely and less happy than their romantic counterparts with their relationships. So, even if people are not afraid to be single, the surrounding culture and society can cause them to rethink.

If you are finding yourself considering the need to break up, try to think objectively about the good things in the relationship, what you have invested in, and the alternatives you really have. In addition, each fear can also be an important factor. When you think hard enough, you can see the "flickering light" to make this relationship better and longer. But it's not fair that we are with someone who is simply afraid of being alone.

But what should you do if you're single this holiday season? First, find fun with friends and family. Social support is an important part of overcoming life's traumatic events, including breaking up.

Also, think about everything you have learned from the relationship and how to help you become better. Besides, try to see the good side of being single. Although you tend to be afraid of being alone, it's time for you to focus on your future self, goals, and needs without having to worry about your opponent's constraints.

Whether you're trying to cut off or "rekindle the fire" of your current relationship, getting started will be difficult. But just like the upcoming New Year, it can bring you countless other opportunities.