Why do brothers and sisters often quarrel?

Many family meetings turned into chaos when the children rushed to fight. But scientists have found a number of reasons for siblings between siblings and ways to bring peace to families.

The quarrel between siblings is inevitable. For example, a girl likes to watch a TV show, but her sister wants to watch another channel. " It's just a very simple form of difference. Basically, you don't get what you want, " says Hildy Ross at the University of Waterloo.

(Photo: Girlhealth, VNE) But not only is the result of a competition for a remote control or an insulting speech, the rivalry also reflects a wider family mechanism.

The study, conducted by Ji-Yeon Kim at Pennsylvania State University, interviewed parents, oldest children and children in the 200 white middle-aged working families in the United States. Children aged 9 to 17 answer questions like: " How often do you consult with siblings? ". Scientists also asked parents about family conflicts and close intimacy.

Sisters seem closer than brothers, and with both sexes, discord peaks when children are 13 years old and their children are about 10 years old. In the family where the mother has close relationships with the children, the siblings are more intimate.

Researchers also found that the intimacy between a father and mother decreases and the siblings get closer . When a father feels positive about his marriage and his wife, the intimacy between siblings decreases. The relationship between parents is also causing the siblings to rely more on each other.

According to scientists, finding a way to relieve conflicts is important because of a lifelong blood relationship. To find out, scientists at the University of Waterloo tested 64 pairs of brothers. They asked these 4 to 12 year olds to choose a conflict in the past and find a way to reconcile in the 10-minute exchange.

Children choose a variety of contradictions in the past such as fighting, cheating or mocking, sabotaging other people's property and taking things without permission.

Among the participants, 42% agreed to come up with a satisfactory solution for both, 23% came to a mutually beneficial agreement. "They are no longer in deep conflict as they once were. They have found their lost feelings and have listened to each other," said researcher Hildy Ross.

The group judged that the order and demands of selfishness would never lead to compromise. Instead parents should show their children their contradictions and focus on future benefits that will find a more successful compromise.

MT